Transitions for Loved Ones
My partner’s mother was just diagnosed with terminal cancer last night in New Zealand. As I read the news this morning in an email that was sent in the middle of the night – all kinds of feelings coursed through my body.
Sadness (Pauline is such an amazing lady – it’s too soon), heart-ache (Rutherford loves her so much – so much pain he is going through), anger (how could the medical system miss this? Multitudinous hospital visits trying to pinpoint the cause of 2 years of pain and nothing found til now?), fear (my own parents are getting older), guilt (I don’t stay in contact with my loved ones enough) and wonderment (how short our lifespan is and are we really living the life we want and as Rutherford always says, are we being and doing “what matters”?)
After hearing the news, one of mentors and close friends Penny Kirk noted, “It is amazing how many of us are going through these transitions right now with loved ones”.
So I thought I would share with you my experience today, in the hope that if you have a loved one or friend going through something similar, my process may help you.
What I decided to do right away:
1. To contribute in anyway possible to help Pauline have the BEST next few weeks and months. To bring her joy and happiness in little ways.
- Flowers sent
- Emails & Calls
- Pictures taken on my iphone during the day/week that might brighten her day – from Luna & Nina (our pets), to the ocean, to past pictures
- DVD’s and books that I can send that she will enjoy
2. To encourage Pauline to come to Sanoviv – in my opinion, the absolute best place in the world to rest and heal.
3. To support Rutherford so he has the strength and energy to give support to his mum.
4. To let my “tribe” know what is happening so they could email support to Rutherford and send powerful, collective, healing energy to Pauline.
- This had an unexpected and beautiful outcome. Not only was my tribe able to do the above, but they were so happy to be included in the “journey”. This reminded me that we are all so connected, and WANT to help each other – and that we can. I was so touched by my “tribe” – thank you to all my wonderful family and friends.
What I committed to doing in my own life:
1. To call my own parents once a week – even if just for 5 minutes. Send them more pictures of what I’m up to (how easy is it with our iphones these days?)
2. To reach out to friends that have a loved one going through a health challenge. I now understand how important, supportive and timely an email or quick call can be.
3. To be even MORE pro-active about getting people to take on their health. It’s a large part of what I do in my businesses and my life, but I want to help even MORE people live long and healthy lives.
4. To re-design my life to focus more on what really matters to me and how I want to live my life. Translation: A commitment to 10 minutes in the morning to journal, meditate, and create specifically with this intention in mind. Action: Iphone alarm clock is now set to 6:00 am :)
A beautiful thought from one of my wonderful friends, responding to my “tribe” email:
- “The thought that we are all eternal energy and we all come here for a short moment to experience that contrast from who we really are, is quite comforting to me.” – Sandra Dickinson
Did this blog stir something in you? If so…
Action Steps:
1. What suggestions do you have for helping during transitions for loved ones?
2. How can you connect more with your family and friends more regularly?
3. How can you design your life to bring in more of what matters to YOU?
I would LOVE to hear your comments, suggestions and experiences below the blog…we’re all one big tribe that can help each other – pretty cool huh? So much wisdom we can learn from each other. Click HERE to comment.
Til next week…
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Be Happy…Be Vibrant…
Carmen xo
Get Social With Carmen
Carmen, what sad news. You are so wise to share it among your trusted tribe and extended family of followers, thus allowing others the opportunity to contribute and lift you all up. Like many people my age I’ve lost several loved ones, and it’s never easy. But you may also find a unique, sweetness in the days ahead, when things are said and the purity of love and affection expressed are unlike at other times. When we realize a loved one is leaving us we receive a gift too – the gift of realizing that each of us is here a short, unpredictable time, and with that realization comes clarity in what matters, what’s important in each of our relationships. It’s like a distillation or simplification of what there is to do. You expressed this beautifully here. You, Rutherford and Pauline are in my thoughts and prayers. My hope for you is an abundance of crystal clear memories of pure love and affection.
Thank you for such a beautiful reply here Toni! I love what you said about a sweetness in the days ahead. And a distillation or simplification of what there is to do…so well said :) Lots of love, Carmen :)
Carmen … Rutherford … I am so sorry to hear this news. I am a 10 year survivor of mixed B cell lymphoma. It was horrible to go through but what was worse was my father in law going through prostate cancer at the same time. Unfortunately, he did not make it.
It was so comforting to me to have friends and acquaintences tell me they love me. I don’t know why we don’t say that every day to healthy people. Actually, I do say it but not enough.
This email is very wonderful. You are blessed to have a supportive energetic tribe to surround you with love and support.
Please give Rutherford my love. I will be praying for comfort for his mum.
With love,
Sherry
Thank you so much for sharing your own journey Sherry so openly. I love what you said about saying I love you every day to healthy people too. What a great reminder. Thank you. Love, Carmen :-)
Dear Carmen – such sad news. I know that you and Rutherford will make sure that Pauline’s remaining days are full of love. I have you all in my thoughts and hope that Sanoviv is truly an option as it would be a beautiful place to spend time together. Your poignant reminder to focus on what matters has touched me and prompted me to reach out now to the people I love. My two action steps are:
1.To focus on being fully present in each and every minute with each and every person I’m with.
2.To be complete with each and every person in my life.
Sending a hug to you and Rutherford,
Betsy
Thank you Betsy for your thoughtful reply…and your own personal Action Steps…I LOVE them :-)
Lots of love and big hugs to you too,
Carmen :) xoxox